Latest Story

Kicked Out Of The Comfort Zone

January 23, 2015
By bouzouki

So I went to the Celebration of Life for my neighbor yesterday, and the cutting cold wind pushed me into contemplation mode.  I listened to the song that Ichabod found and noticed that through the lens of my seeing, I feel pulled and shown the swirling tangle of life  through the feeble light of my visions of where we are and where we are going.  The messenger is never delayed, we grow impatient waiting, and the fear is we had it all wrong from the start.  That’s all water under the bridge by now and yet I am amazed at how strongly I hold onto pieces of the past.

I’m pouring another cup of coffee for the chocolate, and thinking how I’ve told you and the NSA and this “Cherry-picking” place what I couldn’t tell my neighbor, and he WAS one of the few humans I talked to irregularly.  I think I felt him go on my wife’s birthday, a celebration of life that gave a poem to here, but I had not been told yet.  Shit, he would have come out when I was near the fence, knowing I can’t hear well, he would have waited ’til I got close and said,”  Guess I bit it this time.  first time I shut up all my kids, their kids, and their kids.”  A great-granddaughter died not too long ago in a sordid mess of shaken baby and failed foster care, government and more, but I think she came back long enough to show him the way, and I can believe that if I want.

I’m drinking the chocolate and coffee and I thought, if he hadn’t cut down the cherry trees in his back yard, across the fence from me, maybe his life would be a bit different.  He cut down more trees than I can remember, but he would, he’d tell me about every one, and smoke a cig.  His wife sitting, silently disapproving, until she got a phone call and escape, going into the house.  When he drank, he always offered a beer, occasionally I would take one, but mostly I didn’t, and sometimes, I had to make my escape,especially in the early days of our relationship.  His early life was a country song, in the roughest sense possible.  Getting drunk and in a fight with a Nevada cop left him stranded on a rig for a couple of months before he came back home.  He didn’t think much of me, getting dressed up to go to work ( not a suit and tie,  just not jeans and a work shirt), and I kept my distance, I had more soap operas to analyze at work than I ever wanted, and I didn’t need theirs.

We gardened here every year except the first, when the ground was so hard and bad it broke a friend’s small tractor.  My neighbor slowly grew more and more, and we would talk about it.  We would talk about weather, and our particular forecast.  “It ain’t gonna rain,” he told me one hot summer day, and in two minutes a big drop hit me.  I saw a big dark cloud in the western sky, “I don’t know, but I think I’m going in.” I replied.  He looked at me looking up at the sky and turned and a big drop hit his lit cigarette.  “Yup.”

Experience of sudden and striking realization….Amen

January 23, 2015
By ichabod
Experience of sudden and striking realization….Amen

I am a 63 year old man who heard a tune from a cheap portable radio a few days ago.  I heard it again today, something drew me to it.  The voice and the words struck a chord within standing out from the other stuff they played day after day.  I searched out the lyrics, something I am not prone to do.  They were written by a young man.  I felt his emotions in the words he sung as I lived them.


 “I was born sick, command me to be well, Amen, Amen, Amen,  reached into my mind and heart.

Yeah, they tell us we are all sinners.  Sin?   Loving what comes natural?

“I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies.  I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.  Offer me that deathless, death.  Good God, let me give you my life.”

Man oh man, the kid is a thinker.  The years of guilt and anguish for not being ‘perfect”.  What a joke we play on ourselves…..

“If the heavens ever did speak”

A statement I often wondered about….

“No Masters or Kings, when the ritual begins. There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin.”

A gentle sin leading to what?


There is something about this for me is different.  My mind is trying to wrap around it, beliefs and life are fighting back.

Turmoil.  Is that what epiphany holds?

Or will it be peace?


Offer me that deathless, death…..

January 22, 2015
By ichabod
Offer me that deathless, death…..

…….Good God, let me give you my life…… from the song,  Take Me to Church….Hozier.

‘You’re brooding,’  thought accused.

‘Cannot help it.  I feel it may be soul, although my namesake is said not to possess a soul and who knows if I do?’

‘What about eternity and everlasting life in the other side?’  thought asked.

‘What if not?’ I replied.

‘Does it matter to you?’  thought queried.

‘I am not aware of anything at all before a certain age.  Who knows if I be aware at the end or after the event, if there is an after,’ I answered.

‘Do you feel you may be treading on dangerous ground?  For your spirit?’

“I have to be honest with myself.  What good is believing a lie, if it is a lie?  Or does it make a difference?’  I mused.

‘I think you are lost,’  thought observed.

‘Maybe so……’


Perfect circle equals a straight line….

January 22, 2015
By ichabod
Perfect circle equals a straight line….

‘What have you learned?’ demanded  thought.

‘Nothing,’ I replied.



‘One lifetime and you haven’t learned anything?’  thought persisted.

‘For a little bit of my life, I thought I knew, but that is a fleeting memory and I didn’t really know, I just convinced myself I knew.  I felt it was important to know.’

‘Isn’t it important?’

‘Maybe it is, but I don’t really know.’

‘What are you thinking,’  thought queried.

‘I am thinking a perfect circle equals a straight line, beyond my comprehension,’ I admitted



She’s the giggle at a funeral…..

January 22, 2015
By ichabod

I heard it on the radio the other day.  It’s been around for a year or so.  A young fellow, 24 years old, wrote it.

I liked the song, really couldn’t decipher all the words which is not unusual for me.  I found it on youtube and studied them.

It is life, isn’t it?


The Experiment

January 21, 2015
By bouzouki

The theory is that one biological genus can command lots of biological and geological resources and not have any serious repercussions in the climate or the biology.  We can alter the genetics of different plants and animals, and we can concentrate material and use chemistry to create different substances.  We can continue to add more of the creatures we want, including us, almost as if there is no necessary point to stop doing any of these things.  We can abuse what we want and use what we need to the point that those lesser species just don’t get to live here.

What do we get out this arrangement?  Drunk?  Stoned?  No, No, those are signs of debauchment, aren’t they.  A sign of a weak individual, mostly a criminal, if not adjudicated, by implication.  We get the satisfaction of lording over what we can, and we can call it the center, because this is all we know.

Oops,  there is more, there is lots of it, it’s smaller and bigger than we thought, and the edges are frayed in a way that a simple mind might not quite understand, and an understanding mind might find it hard to assimilate, except in short doses.  Probably you and I don’t get to see the rest of this experiment, but I doubt that the answer will be anything like the promised future, I believed when I was ten, and the fantasy of the future mattered.

You and I have less time than we think.  We may get to see some of the future, but that is not certain.  I’m really not selling doom here.  On this segment, I am lamenting the death and passing of my neighbor.  He left a few days ago, and I got confirmation today.  Its not like we were friends of the nature of being with like minded buddy’s.  Our relationship had been built with the solidity of a fence, wooden, and wires.  We met at the fence, more and more over thirty years.  He watch Fox News, hated the local paper for being too Liberal, and worked heavy equipment and mining his whole life and cigarettes and radon gave him lung cancer and killed him.  We’ed hang out outside so he could smoke, bitch about life and explore some other topics,(mine, mostly).  We started with nothing in common, and nothing to talk about.  He grew a garden for the last five years, and he’ed talk about gardening as if he had always done it.   Now, he’s gone.

The thing about this experiment is, just as my neighbor is gone, the price of what we are doing has a due date.  I’m comfortable with that.  I am not comfortable with giving my grandchild a big mess to live with, and maybe shorten his cohort’s lives, just so we can test what is the limit to our species in the realm of carrying capacity.  Once we find it, I doubt we get to push too much further.  Then again, we are not ready to stop, are we.

Who Is To Blame?

January 19, 2015
By bouzouki

If you pick a side and stick to it, you might want to understand and know more about what you have accepted.  You can study it from all kinds of perspectives, read or physically experience, seek classes, sources, and let it simmer.  Or, you can take an idea, attach yourself to it and have no other desire to consider the merits or its claim on reality, just be certain you are right.  That doesn’t make you right, except in your own brain, and if there is conflict, that might involve others, and sometimes one side or another escalates from disagreement to physical aggression, and even killing.

There are many opportunities along the path of an idea as it lives within a human mind.  It can mesh with a group and be maintained as agreement within the group.  If a dissenter appears, they have to leave.  If a dissenter appears, the disagreements are aired and a new consensus is reached.  Dissenters are hunted.  The ideas are rearranged to fit the dissenter’s view.

It can all change up to a point that can’t be revoked.  Conflicts large and small, with and without discussion, over in seconds on personal level or held as grudges against groups for centuries.  It is what makes up history.  It surrounds ideology, nationality, economics, science, and becomes the basis for legality, morality, and ethics. It ties truth and lies with legality, and then all those versions get to have their influence on reality.  It is the complication of how reality is seen that allows someone to lie about a circumstance, in court, or in congress, in the world or on television.  You can lie about why a country goes to war.  You can lie about money as a banker and steal millions.  You can lie about the effects of cigarettes, or pesticides, or dumping stuff into the river, or that god gave you land or your myths are true and therefore acting on them is the correct action.

I feel that responsibility to surrender to that moment of inevitable action/reaction, to face things exactly as they are, even when it flies in the face of the fantasy of my certainty.  But that is me.  I see officials declining to take any responsibility for their actions, or use an ideology to take an indefensible position and maintain that according to what is known (within a small subset of those that study the situation whether it be political, scientific, or religious). I think it has much to do with the way we consider the basis of the reality that we try to define.  Religion likes to assign guilt to lies (heresy), punishable from “Hail Mary’s” to death by torture, beheadings and execution.  Politics may require lies, unpunished unless somehow someone is made accountable, and the punishment ranges from mild to execution, usually by the opposition.  Economics is halfway to a lie to begin with, and there are statistics to prove it, or disprove it as deemed necessary, and there is rarely any responsibility taken until reality refuses the lie completely.

If we live with a lie long enough it becomes true, unless reality intrudes, but it may take a while until that occurs.  There may be a major penalty involved, resetting what is normal.  It starts with the end of the least abundant necessity, or the addition of too much toxicity, or the multiplication of exponential growth in a finite place.  It is a tipping point that changes everything.

This site is protected by WP-CopyRightPro